Sometimes, you just want a hug

Though this whole process of surgery, fire, follow-ups and reconstruction, I've tried to stay upbeat.  Sure, sleeping sitting up is uncomfortable, wearing button-up shirts all the time is annoying, boxes all over my apartment are in the way and drive me nuts.  Blah blah blah.  These are things that will be over eventually.  I have a sign on my desk that says 'this too shall pass.'  I say that to myself a lot during the day.  But the one thing that keeps me vaguely depressed and that will probably not be over eventually?  Giving and receiving hugs.  I just never realized how much I depend on a good strong hug to get me through a bad day, a hard time, or even a great party!  There's nothing like a great big bear hug to make you feel good, to help transmit the love and affection you want to show another person.  And I can't have one.  Or give one.  That makes me sad.

I'll be going to a party later today to celebrate one of the most beautiful people I know.  Someone who went above and beyond the call of friendship to get me through the last few months.  In fact, there will be dozens of people there who I love and adore and who support me every day.  I'm seriously bummed I won't be able to really hug them.  Sure, I can do the wimpy 45-degree-angle hug, where you stick out your butt and kinda touch each other's faces and/or shoulders, and you look like a weird triangle.  But I won't be able to get my arms up and around their necks and give a good hard squeeze that says "I love you.  Thank you.  You're the best."  Will I ever be able to again?  Who knows if it will ever be the same, when there are foreign objects between me and the hugee.  For some reason, this is what bothers me the most.  At least today...