So, I've made it through the exchange surgery. I guess maybe I was expecting too much, but I'm a little disappointed in how the implants look and feel. I know that it takes time for the implants to settle and drop, but still. They don't look much different than the expanders. They are softer to the touch, for the most part, but inside I still feel tight and swollen. I'll be seeing Dr. Vera Wang next week, so I will have to talk to her about how I feel--is it that I'm expecting something else, or is it that they don't sit right? Who knows...
The procedure went well, but recovery was again a little frightening. With all the trouble I've had with anesthetic, I may opt out of having the nipple reconstruction. I'm also supposed to talk with Dr Pay in Advance about having my ovaries removed at some point to eliminate all of my extra estrogen. But I just don't think I can do another procedure that requires a general anesthetic.
I arrived at the medical center at 6am and was in surgery by 7:30. The surgery went well, but I went into severe shakes when I was coming out of the anesthetic. To calm the shakes, they gave me demerol. The demerol made me nauseated, so they gave me compazine to control the nausea. They told me that the compazine would make me sleepy and when I woke up, I would feel better. Instead, the compazine made me jittery and anxious. The anesthesiologist told me that was a rare side effect, but hello. If there's a rare side effect, I'm going to find it.
By around 1pm, I was going crazy, so I asked if I could sit up in a chair and get ready to go home. But then a nurse got nervous about my heart issues. I was again throwing PVCs and the heart monitor kept beeping--the student nurse kept coming over to me and reminding me to breathe deeply. At one point, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. It's a vicious circle, I guess. But all of the doctors said that I was asymptomatic and not really having substantive heart problems. I asked if I should see Dr They Didn't Operate On Your Legs, but no one said it was necessary. I guess I just don't like anesthetic. Or drugs in general. I am a lightweight when it comes to medication. I always have been. Plus, seriously, how many times can someone be put under in a six-month period? I wouldn't think it would be good for anyone, whether in good health or not.
Clearly, I'm going to need to lose weight and figure out this vegan thing moving forward. That seemed to lower my blood pressure before. I just have to be more serious about it and not so lazy. It gets easy to be lazy during recovery, then it gets harder and harder to be diligent when you're allowed to be. Wah wah wah. My mom says she's proud of me, especially for not complaining, but I feel like I complain in my mind all the time! I know I'll never feel the same again, but that doesn't stop me from expecting some changes or some relief as the months go by. Maybe once I get out of these surgical bras and wear something other than an extra-large button-up shirt, I'll feel more like me. Some kind of positive would be most welcome at this point.
Looking forward to some ballet this weekend. That always lifts my spirits...
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