Irrational Fears (and some theater updates, too, to cheer us)

Long, personal post coming again.  Sorry.  Continue at your own risk.

I have quite a few goofy irrational fears.  Mice, fire, my zipper being down.  Dumb things.  One of my biggest irrational fears is being hit by a car.  Who knows why?  Well, Sunday afternoon, it happened.  I got grazed by a car while walking in my neighborhood. At the crosswalk nearest my apartment, there are two one-way streets, both with stop signs.  I was walking west, and a car pulled up.  The car driving east had stopped first, and had the right-of-way, so I began to cross the street, because the car going north should've had to wait.  But even though I'm certain he saw me there, he began to take a right turn and hit me.  I screamed and spun around, but I didn't fall, I'm not even that hurt, really (there's a large bruise on the side of my thigh, that's about it), but it scared the bejeezus out of me.  My hands have been shaking pretty much since it happened.  After thanking the nice people who apparently saw it (one woman was yelling at the driver for me) and stopped to check on me, and then sternly telling the driver to watch where he's going next time, I shakily went back to my apartment.  And looked at Google.  BIG MISTAKE.  Who knew I should've called the police regardless of being hurt?!  After about a half hour, I decided to go to an urgent care place in my neighborhood, just for my piece of mind.  It's only a few blocks away, and after my sister's blot clot adventures, I figured better safe than sorry.

[Oh, and to insert a funny-ish, random-ish story here:  when I spun around and got up onto the sidewalk, I felt a sudden gush in the area of my lady parts.  I suddenly thought to myself: 'if this crazy guy hit me with his f*cking car AND made my period start back up, I'm going to beat him with my bare hands and/or his steering column!'  Thankfully, it didn't happen.  And keeping on that side-journey - I recently had my follow-up appointment with the doctor who did my fibroid procedure.  The twelve-year-old lab assistant chatted with me pre-doctor entrance.  He asked me how my first cycle went and I said I haven't had one yet.  (You know, suddenly I feel as if I shouldn't write that down; it seems jinx-y.  Hm.)  He looked rather astonished and said, "Well, our intent certainly wasn't to put you into menopause."  I looked at him with even MORE astonishment and said, "DUDE.  You haven't been listening.  THAT IS PRECISELY MY INTENT."  I think he is now scared of me.  End of funny-ish story.]

Most of the people at the urgent care center were very nice; I was ushered quickly into a room, gave my history to a youngster who put it into the computer, then waited for the doctor to come in.  He arrived with a 'female chaperone,' which is nice, I guess.  He proceeded to ask me where I was hit, since he said he couldn't even see it.  I showed him, told him my concerns about blood clots, and he seemed...unimpressed.  Uninterested.  I felt dismissed, maybe even patronized.  He had me move my leg around, and offered to give me a tetanus shot, which I didn't really need, then he left.  I just had my head down, then the young female chaperone told me she was glad I came in.  Why sit around and worry when I could come in and be sure it wasn't serious?  I think she could tell I felt defeated - by my fear, by the car, by the doctor.  So I'm glad that someone acknowledged me.  She told me what to watch out for, then I left.  I went home and decorated my apartment for the holidays, which lifted my spirits, then I  tossed and turned all night with nightmares, which didn't lift my spirits.  I've been sort of a nervous wreck ever since, though work has kept me so busy, I haven't really noticed my sore leg, until it really gets sore.  Which is good, I guess, until it isn't.

how I imagine my bruise looks (it totally doesn't)

Being afraid of crossing the street in NYC is probably going to be a big annoyance, I'm guessing, but having an irrational fear happen to me didn't cure me of the fear, it made me more afraid.  That dumb doctor didn't help, either.  Sooo...I don't know the end of this story.  I just, as usual, wanted to get it out of my head and stop brooding about it.  That's what my therapist tells me to do.  And since I'm not seeing her for two weeks, I figured writing about it here is better than waiting to talk to her.  Your mileage may vary.

In happier news - theater-wise, I've seen two shows that you all need to see:  Eve's Song, playing at the Public Theater, and The Hello Girls, playing at 59E59.  As you've heard me discuss repeatedly, I used to administer a young writer's program at my work, and I have great pride in going to see productions of shows by alums of that program.  Both Eve's Song and The Hello Girls are by alums and I'm ever so proud of them both.  I'll just offer a few thoughts about each.

photo credit: Joan Marcus

Eve's Song is a new play by Patricia Ione Lloyd - I found it utterly compelling and fascinating.  I will say that quite a few audience members did not share my enthusiasm.  Ione's plays are very distinct and unique and her voice is powerful.  She tells stories you don't often see.  This story about a contemporary African-American family was so bold and interesting; it was told from a fresh perspective and went places I never imagined.  From the Public Theater's website:  "Filled with dark humor and boiling suspense, Eve's Song examines our present racial climate through the eyes of a regular American family."  Yes, true, and so much more.  The acting was first-rate, although the central role of the mother was played by a understudy still on-book, which on occasion brought the temperature of the piece down, but it no way detracted from the power of the play itself.  You should go see Eve's Song right now - you'll be thinking about it long after.  I still am.

photo credit: Richard Termine

The Hello Girls is a new musical with music and lyrics by Peter Mills and a libretto by Mills and Cara Reichel.  It tells another unique and new to me story - I had no idea about this episode in American history: 1917 saw the U.S. Army's first women soldiers, who served as bilingual switchboard operators in France on the front lines of World War I.  It's a story of women fighting for equality at home and on the field of battle, and it's a little disheartening that we still fight the same fight 100 years later.  But these women are strong and bold and it was a pleasure to spend time in their company.  I learned a lot.  Plus, the songs in The Hello Girls are terrific, with jazzy tunes and really smart lyrics - I've long been a fan of Mills' writing (his Golden Boy of the Blue Ridge is an especial favorite) and I hope this show, which seems to come at just the right time, will get him the wider recognition he deserves.  The performers are all wonderful, and most of them also double as the musicians in the orchestra (a conceit that doesn't generally sit well with me, but it's mostly fine in this piece).  There's a lot of humor and even more heart in The Hello Girls and you should all hurry over to 59E59 to see it.  It's a terrific new musical and Pete's work should be heard.  GO.